I had a coffee date with a friend today which lasted about 2 hours. One of the topics which almost always comes up when we meet is parenting - and is most probably the case because our daughters are so close.
On my way home, I thought about the countless conversations I have had with other moms who struggled with their identity - not only their identity in general but also their identity as parents. What do I mean by that?
Well, so often, as moms we can grapple with a nagging feeling that we're not doing enough or we're not (being) enough even when we feel like we're run off our feet most days. It's a common struggle that many of us face, known as imposter syndrome - but it's what I like to call: The MOM-IDENTITY CRISES! Despite all our efforts and sacrifices, we can't shake the belief that we don't measure up to the ideal of what a mom should be.
This identity crisis can rear its head in various aspects of motherhood. Often it's because we are comparing ourselves to other moms on social media, feeling inadequate in our parenting skills, or questioning our worth as individuals outside of motherhood. That sense of not being 'good enough' can be overwhelming and it can spill into every area of our life - when its not motherhood, its as wives, sisters, daughters, co-workers, entrepreneurs, and the list goes on and is long!!
The thing with comparison is that it takes our eyes off God, His Love and His goodness towards us and steals the joy that He has planted and intended for our hearts.
We cannot fully walk in our identity if we are trying to see ourselves in someone else's mirror.
But here's the thing: our identity as moms is NOT defined by society's standards or even our own insecurities. Our true identity is ONLY found in Christ. And when you come to the realisation and understanding of WHO you are and WHOSE you are, you'll stop comparing yourself to the perfect mom who seems to have it all under control, and instead you'll just enjoy BEING a mom.
My friend said something that confirmed what has been on my heart for some time. Because of our own insecurities and comparisons, we can sometimes strive for and constantly wait for this BIG REVELATION of our purpose. When actually, as parents, our SEASONAL PURPOSE is finding joy in raising our children and leading them into living the life that God has destined for them. Nurturing their little hearts and minds to hunger and thirst for more of God and leading them into their own understanding of WHO and WHOSE they are.
Yes, some of us work full-time, part-time or own our own businesses, and have other functions that we fill alongside being parents, and those roles fulfils a different purpose.
Most importantly, we need to remember that IN CHRIST, we are loved unconditionally, valued beyond measure, and equipped with everything we need to fulfil any role we step into, including our roles as mothers / parents.
So how do we overcome imposter syndrome or identity crises and embrace our identity in Christ?
Pray!
Get real with God. If you're struggling in this area, GO TO HIM IN PRAYER. Tell God how you feel and ask Him to reveal the truth of WHO you are to you. We underestimate how powerful spending 10 minutes in God's presence can be. Give Him permission (Submission) to Father you and to show you how to be a good parent and to walk in Who He created you to be.
Focus on His Truth
Instead of listening to the negative voices in our heads or what the world says, we can turn to God's Word for affirmation and encouragement. Scriptures like Psalm 139:14 remind us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, while Ephesians 2:10 assures us that we are God's masterpiece, created for good works.
Focus on Teaching our Children the Truth
Our priority as parents is to lead our children into a place where they are walking confidently and boldly in their own true identities as sons and daughters of the King of Kings!
These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children.
Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down
and when you get up. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 (NIV)
Practice Self-Compassion & Stop Comparing yourself
It's important to extend grace to ourselves, just as God extends grace to us. Rather than striving for perfection, we can acknowledge our limitations and celebrate our efforts, knowing that God sees and honours our hearts. Remember you are made in the image of GOD (Gen 1:26) - not the mom who looks like she's got it all together!
Find your passion
Just because you are a mom does not mean you cannot do things that you enjoy too! Find something that fills your joy bucket and start giving from a place of joy, compassion and peace. It's very hard to give and give and give when you yourself are feeling depleted. Remember that God wants you to live life abundantly and to the full - which one of the reasons Jesus came! (John 10:10)
Practice Gratitude
There will never be a time when practicing gratitude and thankfulness is not going to be a good idea! God constantly reminds us to be thankful in everything. Giving thanks takes our mind off of ourselves, our problems and struggles and puts it back onto God and his goodness, his grace and mercy in our lives. There is always something to be grateful for! The more we practice thankfulness, the more we will have to be thankful for.
Community Support
Surrounding ourselves with a supportive community of fellow moms who share our faith can make a world of difference. By lifting each other up, sharing our struggles, and praying for one another, we can find strength and renewed purpose in our journey of motherhood. Remember that this should not be a time when we only complain about how hard motherhood is - be intentional about finding the great things that motherhood brings and celebrate it!
Imposter syndrome may try to rob us of our confidence and joy and even our identity, but we don't have to let it win. By anchoring ourselves in the truth of WHO AND WHOSE we are in Christ, we can rise above our insecurities and embrace the unique, beautiful moms that He created us to be.
You are special. I hope you know it.
If you struggle with insecurities around your identity in any area of your life, consider reaching out to me for coaching. Understanding the truth around your identity in Christ is a foundation which can set you up for success in every area of your life.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Stay blessed and in Him
Cindy x
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